Through the Portal, On Reverse
memories live in our minds.
and sometimes makes us feel more than we should
the flesh and blood and ur pumping heart.
stretches and shrinks as days and nights pass.
you know you've gone too far
when it seeps into your soul.
magical, malicious belief
is larger than God.
what was then sweet
turned sour,
then bitter,
like gun powder,
and suddenly my tongue catches fire
later the tears evaporate without warning
above the flames that never goes out
this evening
i travelled back in time
1990
everything blackens
im uglier than The Mr Taxi Driver
because iv let him live in me ever since.
really really really
hope tonight
i can sleep like it's 1989 again
otherwise i'll sit forever at my school desk
on this never-ending incomplete test
where i know the last question is worth the remaining fifty percent
but all i do is frantically keep guessing
because i'm too scared to stop and listen
and maybe that's why i can never go home.
A Farewell to Lentilitis
...Sometimes it takes me forever to figure out what is the healthy amount of lentils dosage that i am capable of consuming. The revelation came really late, and sometimes one has to pay with horrible diahrrhea (sp?) and last night i almost felt like i need to get my stomach pumped.
But peace shall descend from above upon God's Green Earth, for i have since found professional advice and herbal au naturelle tablets downed with wholesome Waiwera Mineral Water, and thus lentilitis has been flushed down the drain into the ocean. i can now begin a lentils-free lifestyle.
(ewwwuuuuhuhuhuhhrrgh.....overkill, graphic analogy puuurhhghg...*ahem*)
BUT.
to quote "Closer" since it sums it up perfectly:
The Me to The Lentils: "Look at your little eyes."
The Lentils: "I can't see my little eyes."
Friday the Thirteenth.....arrives late
As soon as the bells tolled at midnight Sat Fourteenth, the events spiralled and spinned and spanned and snowballed and dominoed....
1 - Contrary to popular belief that one should never hit the bunk upon an argument, an argument erupted amidst pillows and mattresses between BFF's (The most highschool phrase used today: Bitchy Fake Friends, hello! i mean, like. todally. nah, more like Banana French Fries on a fast trip metamorphosising into Lentils ).
2 - Sleepless night, bottled up anger + misunderstanding and the excessive communication became a cul-de-sac.
3 - Morning Wake-Up Alarm bells rang as anticipated, as if freeing me from my cell, i frantically scrambled my way out of the hostels. Couldn't get outa there faster!
4 - Stress from nostalgia and vivid nightmares left me whoozy and disillusioned and at verge-of-tears at work, little did i know how long i will have to keep my game face on....
5 - Unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/eraser/water bottle/spatula/toilet roll continues to "stroll past my working area seemingly purposefully" provoking conversation leading to short-tempered-ness and unpleasantries.
6 - Full on dull work ripping tickets plus Repetitive Strain Injury from occupational requirement - smiling for long duration of time - resulting in extreme pain in facial cheeks.
7 -Jumping into second shift with minimal break, however meal break was lovely as Sarah the workmate and I sat in Aotea Square listening to awesome speakers blaring Simon & Garfunkel ..... it was nice.
8 - Was exhausted but looked forward to a good shift with awesome workmates Kristy and Margaret while being supervised by the lovely Cresta and Jamal.
9 - Decided to be a good helpful unselfish friend (okay, actually playing matchmaker really) and swap my working position with Margaret so she could work with her beloved "Mr."
10 - Ended up working the EFTPOS till at busy Montana Bar, beginning with confusion over new efty posty machine. Later Jamal + i had to take shit from customers who said "You have four fucking tills why is there only one with EFTPOS, i mean, seriously, who has cash these days? who?" Really wanted to point a specific finger at said customer, however continues to smile sweetly: "If you have any suggestions please take it up with the management." (Though on a different day i would probably say i totally agree with the customer. the system IS DUMB!)
I'm sounding like an insufferable bitch aren't i?
11 - Other issues: people getting cash out of my till to use for interval, i ran out of cash, had to get money from other till, which is troublesome as i hate it when my till doesnt balance at end of night, i'll be stuck forever, and more money means more trouble. gah. AND, stoopid and i mean really stooopid temp's keep serving drinks wrong or being genuinely confused but at the same time eager to work their arses off meaning they continually ask questions and the working pace slows. WHY WHY WHY do they have to put temps at the busy bar instead of distributing them evenly around other less stressful bars? *super uber grr*
12 - Ticketek broke down, so manuel ticketing is delaying the starting of the opera Faust (supposedly at 7.30pm), people in queue wants to buy drinks, but Robin the Sup for Theatre is telling Cresta the Sup for Food&Beverages to close down the bar right there and then at 7.24pm as rule by the book says bars close 6 mins prior show commences. BUT. Cresta wants to keep the bars open, as it is a chance to earn more money and also ease off the tension of people who are thirsty and waiting for tickets. "Keeping the customers happy" is a priority. HOWEVER. Robin is stressed since pressure is on him as far as i am aware, if show doesn't start ontime due to audience control, Opera Company can be very pissed at him since they will now have to pay the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra an extra call (lots and lots of $kaching $kaching). Though really Ticketek computer break down is just tough luck like shit happens and who should we blame at the end of the day? argh. it's like. everyone should just bite it and swallow the crap that's happening and go through with it. *headaches*
13 - Faust began at 8pm which is half hour late, meaning instead of finishing at 10pm we are finishing at at LEAST 11pm. argh. very pissed off. got more sulky when i was told i have to go on an unpaid half an hour break since this has just now officially became a 5+ hour call. Fuming by this time, when Cresta asked me to take a male temp to dump rubbish, but lo and behold, who to walk past, beaming, other than the said unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/felt pen/penguin/nail polish/saucepan/carrot/lightbulb (who apparently got called in last minute due to situation being short-staffed) -- so Cresta unknowningly says why don't you take *unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/scrap metal/Dettol/clock/gerbil* for a walk to the bottles disposal.
14 - me being brink of very furious angry tears, decided to order unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/shoelace/toilet duck/badger/gibblywab to dump bottles himself while i try to relax in there corner with a cigaretta. Before i know it he was trying to get deep+personal asking very offensive questions like "Can I see your scars" and me all kindness and patience gone down the loo nearly stabbed him with burning cancer stick. *really really armoured up now*
15 - chainsmoked through my half hour break.
16 - Interval passed quickly. But becaused of those lovely highly intelligent temp's i ended up doing long distance travelling between the three bars, concurrently trying to avoid unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/torch/stuffer/expander/tiser's frequent attempts trying to get me to accompany him to help with various legitimate tasks. Thanks to squarebob spongepants dear Kristy came to the rescue and kept me by her side until Cresta ordered me elsewhere.
In the end i was the last person to finish counting the effin till and to sign off, luckily to find loyal friends waiting for me, Margaret beaming and happy (obviously after a very pleasant shift, thanks to me! -- and yes, that did make me smile. lol)
17 - Us trio decided to hit the Town Hall for the Latin Dance Party'ish event and also to wait and fetch Gabrielle. Unfortunately Kristy got sprayed by odourous alcoholic liquid by drunkards who ran past. However we still walked in, and just as i was going to sneak hoping to dance my way til the morning in order to rid myself of horrible angry vibes buzzing all day, suddenly i see the uniformed unwanted male person/object/thing/stuff/zip/London pigeon/shaving cream/yoyo/explicative/explicative/explicative waving at me inside. Fuck! Double Fuck! i went upstairs to see Sophie, who texted earlier wanting to meetup for food and relaxing drinkies after.
18 - We got kicked out, so sat at the square to wait for Gabs + Sophie. Me chainsmoking. and chainsmoking. and chainsmoking. OOoooo. Never has chainsmoking been so good. And who to walk past now but one of my closest friend's horrible ex, Russell aka Manwhore. Slut. Dirty Inhigenic Cheating Scumbag. I was so startled i couldnt articulate those words and before I know it he was giving me the biggest hug. *Must. Soak. In. Bath. Of. Anti-Bacterial Detergent. Now*
He fucked off after the lame fake how are u banter. ew. double ew.
19 - so yeah by this time every second word i articulate is basically an explicative. Gabby arrived and we have O'porto's as we sat near Bledisloe Lane waiting for Sophie. Soon Kristy and Margaret were off getting Domino's Pizzas. lol. Sophie calls asking where I am, and just as I nearly finish my instructions she hangs up without warning. i was alarmed. and call me paranoid. but i had sneaky feeling it has to do with the 'lentilitis' last night. When she arrived, i exploded, because i was correct, she bumped into two very drunk girlfriends and had a brief awkward moment. Being the ever observant Sophie we both knew it wasnt nothing when she tells of the sneaky looks she saw and we figured that some info has been spillt without discretion or permission, and i was F.U.M.I.N.G. I could feel the calm before the storm. And even tho i didnt way "alright! this is the last straw" i could feel it coming. that whatever happens next will force me to have to make a decision.
20 - after pizzas (interrupted by drunk white suburban try hard boys who apparently just came out of rehab), Sophie and i resorted to The Occidental and eventually got good talk and good drinking done. lol.
T.H.A.N.K. Y.O.U. S.O.P.H.I.E. -- for being there when i was at my weakest.
The clouds have now parted
I can see the blue sky
It scares me
Blaring Bright.
A tad threatening
But I'm ready for it.
